Feeling shitty

Hey anyone who cares, no fitness update today other than the fact that I've decided it would be better for me in the long run to stop drinking pop and eating french fries. I've also begun to make a more conscious choice about my portion size when eating.

But man, I really wish that my feelings for another person wouldn't cause me so much discontent in my life. Most of the time I'm super okay with being single, I've been single for almost 3 years and most of the time I'm just fine with it. Last night something made me think that there may have been a chance this one girl, who shall remain nameless though if she were to read this she would know exactly who I'm talking about, but in the back of my mind I knew I was wrong. And of course I was. I'm not certain why I'm having such a hard time getting over it, because when I do think about it, I always go back to thinking "Yes, we're definitely better as friends. Dating could ruin everything." I guess it's just hard when I find a person I feel like I'm truly compatible with. That's a thing that doesn't happen often for me. Another thing that makes it worse is that towards the middle of last summer before we both moved away for college, we're both home on break if any were wondering, I had admitted that I was starting to have feelings for her and she had said that she was feeling the same way. Of course I had internally decided that it would be a bad idea to explore that any further considering we were both moving away soon. I'm sure she felt the same way.

I get attached too easily and I'm too sensitive. I've been told by some of my female friends that they're so glad to see an openly emotional guy and that it gives them strength. I think it fucking sucks. Being emotional doesn't make me feel good. To be honest half the time it makes me feel weak. It makes me feel like some people probably treat me differently for fear of stepping on my toes and causing me hurt.

I don't know I'm really confused right now I guess. Makes it hard to want to keep doing productive things. Sorry for the whiny teenager post, back to "normal" things later.

-Bryan